my next tattoo? Roamin Round

It's a blue me, is it a winter thing?

I feel totally blue tonight. I don't know why really. is it a winter thing? or a me thing?

Really I think things are going just fine, I'm at work tonight, till 8:45am, that could be a piece of it. but who actually knows.

Mister has his boys this week. and I have this strange jealousy towards them, and not because he pays them attention, that doesn't bother me at all. it's actually a more they should be mine kind of thing. or if they were mine they wouldn't behave like this because...... I have loved this man since I was 14, yup that's right, and even though we have not been together for most of the past 17 years, I have never stopped knowing that he was it for me. and those 2 boys aren't mine, they are someone else's, and that's just this weird reality shock every time they come spend time with us.

Life is such a strange roller coaster. I never know which way it is going to go. I'm always willing for the journey. but it frustrates the hell out of me sometimes. I am not really sure of the thing that is making me feel blue, but it's this weird lonely feeling that I haven't felt since my mister moved in. and this past week i have felt it here and there, not all the time. but tonight it's strong. it might just be the working night shifts and sleeping all day so I can do the night shift again. I guess I need to wait till monday and see if it goes away.

thanks for the ramble :) Peace

life is crazy almost always

tonight the girl is with her dad. it always amazes me how much I miss her when she isn't here, but crave her to go to her dad's house when she is. well not all the time, but there are moments, usually ending our 2 week period that I can't wait for daddy's weekend.

that being said, it is thursday night, which is mine and my mister's "us" night. he's watching the X games, I decided to do this. I am exhausted on sports at the moment. and need some other outlet. either completely inside my cerebral world or stupid mindless movies, and I'm obviously not going to get that for awhile.

life in winter is this weird cozy sit on the couch kind of thing for me, with intermittent blast's of ridiculous cold. even the dog looks at me like "why the hell did we come out here?" she will run out and pee, then dash right back to the door and shake until I let her in. It makes me laugh every time, for so many reason's, I feel her pain. But she needs to be outside for more than 30 seconds. I can't blame her for wanting to come in, since she has adopted the new 400 dollar recliner chair as her own, and seems to be the only thing that ever sits in it.

let's see what the most current life update is. My mister and I have decided to get married, if only we could pick a date, and a place. we know we don't want to do it here. and both of us want the ocean and beach. but it's picking the right beach. and I hate to waste a trip to a tropical local in the summer. and although I can't wait to be his wife (he is absolutely my soul mate), I also really want to get married to him when it is horribly disgustingly cold here, and we get to be somewhere beautiful and warm.

next, I have been crocheting, I have made a bunch of these silly little stuffy animals, that the girl loves and they make me laugh hysterically while I'm making them. I made a pig and while I was sewing on the nose I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants.

I have become an etsy fanatic, and after finding butane and propane in one of my hair products (not from etsy) have made it my mission to find and use only beautiful clean organic with no icky chemicals, or the least amount of them as I can in all of our beauty supplies. so my next quest is to find mister a soap that smells like lovely man, but is made from happy earth product :). the girl and I have already found an awesome shampoo/conditioner. but I am going to start using henna for my hair dye, commercial products are totally freaking me out. I found some face lotion and hair product from Etsy I can't wait to try. I'll let you know how it goes.

other than that, life in wyoming is fairly uneventful for me. as I hate the cold, and I'm surprised almost every single time I go outside that I'm not in california, I did it tonight coming out of the grocery store. I literally forgot that we were here and not there. I will try and be better here. I know I said that in september but I have been inspired by my best friend who has been writing a blog about her family and their adventures of living here and how to find family activities that are cheap and fulfilling, check it out on your own time :) http://theholetourist.blogspot.com.

Peace all.

P.S. I almost forgot, my bestie and I have also been sharing a food blog, that is starting to grow into more here on blogspot too, please check it out. we both make yummy stuff that is easy especially if you have a family and get jammed for recipe's sometimes, maybe we can help you http://ourlife360.blogspot.com/

Five years later

So I have decided to try this again.

Life is such a roller coaster, maybe writing about it will focus my energy.

So here we go.

Today is Sept 11 2010, 9 years later after that horrific day. wow. It doesn't seem like it has been 9 years, but that's the thing about life, it rolls on, and on and on.

I have been thinking about that day all day today. Maybe that's why I decided to try this again. Thinking of the past, thinking of the future, thinking of all we have lost and all we have gained, as individual and as a nation, a world.

The future for me looks bright. it might be poor, but its full of love and happiness and family. I missed having a family. People to come home too, to snuggle on the couch with, to love and laugh and eat with.

The next six months or so will be very busy, full of school, and hopefully work and wedding planning. On March 27th I get to marry my soul mate, my partner, my companion. I am so excited for this, like a kid on Christmas morning. I don't want to wait till march, but I also don't want to rush it and not have it be perfect and beautiful and simple. Really at the end of the day, I don't care how we get there, just as long as we are married and get to share our lives with one another.

So as fall rolls around here in Wyoming again. I have decided to record my journey, of life, and love and all. so I am sure it will be like it was before, with random pictures, poetry, and maybe some other things like recipes, and travel experiences (I hope) and just life in general.

Nov 27 2005

In life we struggle,

in death we lie in peace.

go softly my old friends,

pass in the night.

let your souls confess.

do not linger.

we live in on,

in our daily scourge.

we think of you.

Two days in the life of.....

So we have to people pass at my job in the last two days. One was expected, the other was not. That is the hardest part about working in a nursing home. The ones that are meant to go, you feel for them when they can't let go of life. And the ones that go suddenly, you feel for their family, you miss them greatly, but you still trudge on with your daily work. I like my job. I like the connection I feel to all the people around me there, even the rest of the nursing staff. But these are the days that bum me out a little bit. Ok, there is my little piece of brain for today.

Nov 23 2005

Lost,
I cry.

alone,
I rejoice.

pain,
starvation,
I am sorry.

my words are lost.
my minds a blur,
I can not explain.
I am sorry.

found,
hope,
for me,
for you,
hope.

gratitude,
this great enveloping feeling.
I am sorry.
I sucked you in.
now we all are trapped.